Who am I without dance?

I’m trying not to be dramatic but I feel like my bad knee is trying to end my dancer career. I’m able to walk again and the doc said there was nothing broken…I’m also waiting to get an MRI to investigate further. If nothing is torn then I feel good to continue but if there is a tear and surgery ends up on the list, I can’t carry on like I have been. I had another dancer tell me that her doc said her knees would expire at 35…guess who turned 35 this year? Me and now my knee landed me in the hospital. The math is mathing and I feel lost.

I have no idea who I am without dancing. I’m an animal lover, human rights advocate and duck mom. Which one of these actually pays the bills? None of them. I hate to sound so money centered but, we all have to pay to live on this planet. I don’t have a passion for anything but dance. I’ve done university twice now and neither of those degrees guaranteed me a job. I put myself into massive amounts of debt to not get a single job in either field.

I’m tired. My plan was to build up my online presence/brand and sell tutorials for my retirement but I can’t even record anything now. Where does that leave my students? Where does that leave my business? Where does that leave me?

I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions and some days I feel hopeful then other days I am a blubbering mess. I’m not ready to be done with dancing. I love going to the clubs to perform, I love showcases, I love wearing heels and I love teaching.

I’m not writing for sympathy, I’m writing this just in case anyone else can relate. Please take care of your body and listen to it when it speaks.

For now, I wait for my MRI because that will be the decision maker for me.

Viv.