Explaining my inactivity….

I have not been active with my business page lately and I figured an explanation might be in order. I am not sure when my activity will pick up because I am dealing with grief.

My Poppa, the most important man in my life, is on his death bed. He has been sick for a long time and his fight is coming to an end. It is painful and hard to accept. I am taking care of myself, and I have a very supportive circle around me so, please don’t worry. I am crying a lot and that is healthy. Grief never leaves, it comes in waves but, the waves get smaller each time.

Honestly, I do not feel like posting anything but comedy at this point. I need the laugh, most of us need the laugh these days. My heart is heavy, not only with my own personal grief, but with everything that is happening in our world currently. Posting on social media seems so unimportant right now.

I have been thinking about that uncomfortable truth lately, something I have always tried to avoid and that is death. We will all die at some point; this is a fact. But a person who has lived a full life will experience joy on his death bed. This is how I see my Poppa; I know he is ready to be with my grandmother again because he told me a few weeks back. At first, I refused to accept that he already accepted his own death. I did not understand why he was so ready to leave this earth, I was angry about his acceptance. But with some thought, I have begun to understand that accepting death is important and will let you live life better. My anxiety and stress levels have come down since changing my perception of death. It is not scary; it is a part of life. I am taking the time to be present in my current life, be comfortable with my place in the world and stopped looking too far into the future…. because, why? Thinking too far ahead will only cause me anxiety and feel unsatisfied with my current situation.

I am quite literally stopping to smell the flowers. I went for a walk the other day in the rain, rainboots on and ready for the weather as I walked to the store. I splashed in every single puddle I walked by, I felt like a kid again and probably looked ridiculous to anyone watching. My values are changing, the things I used to “give a fuck about” have changed. I want to enjoy every day I have on this planet but focus more on the real world, not the social media craze that people have become accustomed to. I’m focusing on me, my supportive boyfriend, friends and being there for my mother during this hard time.

I am sure I will be back to regular posting again soon, but for now, I have too much on my mind to be consistent.